Diam bukan diam sahaja

April 30, 2010 | Filed Under diari hidup | Leave a Comment 

Minggu kebelakangan ini, saya banyak diuji dengan perbahasan2 yang tak logik tak kira di dada akhbar atau di blog dsbnya. Jalan terbaik adalah mendiamkan diri dan lihat tindakan orang itu seterusnya. Saya dah cukup penat berbahas benda yang tak patut. Quoting what Dilbert said “Don’t argue with an idiot, he’ll bring you down to his level and beat you by experience.”

Terlalu banyak ketikanya kita berusaha menyalahkan orang, persekitaran, hatta kadang-kadang pakaian kita contohnya (kalau kita kata kita tak hensem sebab pakaian tu ~_~ ), tapi tanpa sedar kesilapan berpunca dari diri sendiri. Kita sering memandang perkara-perkara negatif yang berlaku tanpa kita melihat dan bersyukur dengan perkara positif yang telah dan akan berlaku.

Kejadian ketika ini mengheret ingatan saya kepada sebuah buku klasik bertajuk Arguing With Idiots oleh Glenn Beck. Saya pernah baca buku ini di perpustakaan selepas baca recommendation dari Ust Hasrizal. Ia memberikan pelbagai sketsa yang memeningkan tentang betapa rumitnya untuk kita keluar daripada belenggu perdebatan yang sudah hilang hujung pangkalnya.

Lalu apa yang saya nampak, diam itu jugalah penyelesaian paling sejahtera untuk menjernihkan keadaan.

Teringat saya kepada sebuah peristiwa di zaman Rasulullah sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam:

Sa’eed bin Musayyeb berkata: Pada suatu ketika, Rasulullah sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam duduk-duduk bersama dengan para Sahabat. Muncul seorang lelaki lalu dia mencela dan memaki hamun Abu Bakr radhiyallahu ‘anhu hingga menyebabkan Abu Bakr ’sakit’ mendengarnya. Tetapi Abu Bakr terus mendiamkan diri. Lelaki itu meneruskan lagi celaan dengan bahasa yang lebih kasar terhadap Abu Bakr, namun beliau masih terus mendiamkan diri. Masuk kali ketiga, apabila lelaki itu terus menyakiti Abu Bakr dengan lisannya, Abu Bakr bingkas mahu menjawab balik.

Lalu Baginda Rasulullah sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam bangun. Abu Bakr radhiyallaahu ‘anhu bertanya: apakah engkau marah denganku wahai Rasulullah? Baginda menjawab: Tidak. Cuma semasa kamu mendiamkan diri, Malaikat turun dari Langit bertindak terhadap kata-kata lelaki itu. Tetapi sebaik sahaja kamu mula membalas cacian lelaki itu, Malaikat melarikan diri lalu Syaitan datang dan duduk. Aku tidak boleh duduk di tempat yang Syaitan duduk di situ.” [ Hadith riwayat Abu Dawud]

Why I Stopped Working With Busy People

April 16, 2010 | Filed Under diari hidup | 1 Comment 

after read below article, i rather use ‘enjoy’ than ‘busy’ word. if you said you are busy, you cant do this and that, actually you are losing to yourself. Be tough, guys! be it physically or MENTALLY!

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written by Marissa Bracke, a can-d0-ologist. (sounds coool~)

I no longer work with busy people. I work with people who have a lot on their plates, a lot to do, are inundated with opportunities and projects, and who find it useful to have an extra brain and an extra set of hands to help them accomplish all of it.

I love working with those folks. But I don’t work with “busy” people anymore.

“Busy” is an emotional state.

Don’t we all have at least one person we know who always talks about being “busy,” but has the least to do of anyone else in our lives? That person feelsbusy. It’s an accurate statement about their emotional status. But it has little relevance to how much is actually happening or needing to be done. It’s not that “busy” never coincides with having a lot to do; the point is that the two are completely separate evaluations.

So when I used to market myself to “busy” people, that’s what I got: people who felt busy. It took me a while to realize that there’s a big difference between someone who feels busy and someone who has a lot going on in their business. I work splendidly with the latter, and only reluctantly with the former.

Here’s why:

I can’t solve “busy.”

There is no way to truly service the problem of “busy.” I can take certain tasks or projects off a busy person’s to-do list, streamline their remaining tasks or projects, and make sure they’ve got ample support for their work at the ready. But none of that actually addresses whether they feel busy. They just wind up feeling busy with different things. “Busy” is simply not an issue I can solve for someone.

A busy person–the kind who always includes “busy” as self-description early in their conversations with anyone–will always be a “busy” person. If you took away their entire to-do list, they would still be a busy person, because it’s how they process activity. So when that person hires me because they want to feel less busy, they’re setting both of us up for failure. Nothing I do will actually have any lasting effect on their perception of being “busy.”

For my clients, being busy isn’t a problem–they just want to be busy with the right stuff.

Do you really want to stop being busy?

If we think of being busy as the emotional state of overwhelmed, frazzled and stressed, then sure. You probably want to stop that or at least minimize it. But if we define being “busy” as having many tasks or projects needing your attention, then the solution isn’t to stop that, but to readjust what tasks and projects need and get your attention.

As one of my clients said, “I don’t want to be less busy. I just want to be busy with different things.”

And that’s something I can help with. If you’re a photographer, and preparing for a shoot, composing a shot, working with the images and interacting with the customers brings you joy, then I can work with you to streamline, delegate, and sand down all of the other tasks or projects that fall outside of those activities. That way, your day is still full, but it’s full with the right stuff. The stuff that makes you light up.

I don’t want to help you stop the busy. I want to help you get busy doing those light-up things.

“Busy” is a cop-out.

We use “busy” to describe such a wide swath of emotions and issues that it’s nigh impossible for me to know how to help someone who professes that being busy is his biggest issue.

If we’re having a rough patch with the family and our car breaks down and the dog gets sick and we didn’t finish the article we were writing, we sum it all up by saying, “I was just so busy today.” If we get a dinner invitation we’d really prefer to avoid, we decline by saying, “I’m busy that evening.” If we’re feeling overwhelmed with how much is on our plates, we declare we’re “really busy.”

Busy, my friends, is a cop-out. It’s a euphemism for everything from “I’m frantic with deadlines” to “I just don’t wanna” to “I feel bamboozled as to what to do next so I’m checking Twitter obsessively to tell people I’m busy.” It’s what we say when we can’t be bothered to unpack what we’re feeling or what we’re working on (or what we’re avoiding).

Skeptical? Try this for three days straight: don’t use the word busy. At all. Find other ways of describing what your day was like or what you’re doing or how your to-do list shaped up. You may be surprised to learn how often you resort to that word, and what a plethora of emotions and activities it’s covering! (And report back–I’d love to hear how the experiment goes and what insights it might provoke.)